Every rock deserves
a loving home.
Millions of rocks are left outside every year. Together, we can pretend to do something about it.
FOR ADOPTION
Mandatory Pebble
Distribution Program
As a resident of the internet, you may be entitled to one (1) complimentary government-issued digital pebble. No purchase required. No practical value provided.
FORM PBL-001 / NOTICE OF ASSIGNMENT
PEBBLE ENTITLEMENT
The undersigned applicant is hereby eligible to receive one (1) digital pebble of unspecified quality.
THREAT LEVEL: MINIMAL
GOVERNMENT FUNDING: DENIED
Available for Adoption
All adoptions are symbolic and digital. Physical rocks are not shipped.
National Rock Registry
Search opted-in public records by registry number, rock name, or citizen username. Private records and email addresses are never listed.
Agency Statistics
Verified totals from the official adoption database. Sample certificates are excluded.
Accountability.
Transparency.
Rocks.
The Federal Rock Adoption Agency is an independent parody novelty website. We are not affiliated with, endorsed by, or part of any government. The seals, classifications, and administrative procedures are fictional.
Each paid adoption includes a unique digital record, downloadable printable certificate, and a shareable rock profile. Limited quantities refer to digital adoption slots for an illustration, not a physical mineral or a financial asset.
Adoptions convey no physical goods, intellectual-property ownership, investment rights, or resale guarantees. For support or refund requests, use the contact address configured by the site operator.
Departmental Clarifications
Will I receive an actual rock?
No. This is a digital novelty adoption. No physical stone will arrive in the mail.
Can more than one person adopt Gerald?
Yes. Common Citizens have unlimited registrations. Every adopter gets a unique record and certificate. Limited classifications have a fixed number of slots.
Do I need to pay for my free pebble?
No. The free-pebble program requires no payment. To retain a permanent registered pebble, verify your email and claim it in your Citizen Portal.
Is this a real government agency?
Absolutely not. It is an independently operated parody novelty store.